Talkback: “Domestic violence: Your coworker’s dark secret”

Companies can fold DV into an overall policy against workplace violence. As a one-time victim myself where my ex came to and called my workplace, I know how it affects other employees.

Ironically, it’s not the abuser who fears losing their job.

And don’t think for one minute that those that abuse at home are not also capable of verbal and emotional abuse in their own workplace against coworkers or subordinates. Now that I understand abusers, I can pick them out at work also.

Domestic violence in the workplace is prevalent throughout our country, and it’s a personal as well as a community health and safety issue. And DV is not about anger or relationships gone wrong – it’s about coercion and power and control. Violence against another person is illegal and wrong. Hold batterers accountable in any way possible to help begin to change a culture of violence in our country. My daughter’s dear friend was shot to death in her workplace office by her ex-husband after he stormed through the reception area to her office with his shotgun. He then killed himself. Staff will never – never, I repeat – be the same people they were prior to that day. Every person has the personal responsibility to be aware of symptoms of violence and abuse across the lifespan, and how to respond and refer. Prevention is possible.

I don’t think it’s an issue. It’s an excuse for women to erode the leadership of men. This is a fabrication of women to make up for their faults. This domestic stuff has no business being in the work place.

What we all need to realize is that it’s not just women being victimized. Men don’t want to admit it because they think they’ll sound like wimps. So that 1 in 10 in your office – check it out – don’t forget to include the guys. And one more thing. They never tell you about being on the receiving end when your husband’s ex starts in on you.

I logged on to the CAEPV site and was startled at the finacial impact: “The annual cost of lost productivity due to domestic violence is estimated as $727.8 million with over 7.9 million paid workdays lost per year.” I applaud Liz Claiborne and the other companies mentioned for being proactive in implementing measures to safeguard their most vital resource: their employees. I will be sending this article out to my peers and my HR department.

I think that Ms. Lawyer’s comment is ridiculous. I’d love to try an experiment to get her to consent to wearing a monitoring bracelet for 3 months, and then force her to pay for it.

…There are so many of our fundamental civil liberties that have already been stripped of us by the Patriot Act. What’s next?? A retnal scan and genetic fingerprinting just to walk in the door at work?
Wearing an ankle bracelet isn’t the solution.
Sure- those who offer us a workplace have a basic obligation to ensure the safety of all the people who work there. And in this case, it looks like the folks at the workplace did what they could. Plus, most larger workplaces require a basic background check now anyway.
But the point here is: blame for the WORKPLACE has nothing to do with it!
The only reason why she was killed at work is because, based on all of their previous encounters, THAT’S THE ONE PLACE HE *KNEW* HE COULD FIND HER.
Had she been killed on a routine grocery store jaunt, would there be greater desire to do background checks on all people who visit grocery stores?

So rather- if there had been greater ability for her to remove her own information from the purview of anyone who hunted her, and then went to a place of complete refuge, she would still be alive.
Simply moving to a new house isn’t enough.
But again- (and this is probably the much larger point) because of increased vigillance created by the Patriot Act (and a few bad apples), more and more people are being pigeonholed into providing physical addresses which are then sold, and can be publicly searched by a wide variety of interconnected (and mostly unregulated) wholesale Internet information brokers.
As it stands now, if somebody wants your information bad enough, they will find you.
And *this* is the key tool that the hunters use to track the hunted.

…Its only when we restore the basic rights of Freedom and Privacy afforded to us under the 4th Amendment that this sort of thing will stop.

Moreover- consider also that it may be equally possible that at the end of an angry relationship, one could exact vengance against their estranged partner by “branding” them as a “stalker”.
…Even though this person may not actually *BE* a stalker, the simple fact that this allegation was once recorded in a computer databank, and then shared and sold at wholesale likely means the end of the ability for the alleged “stalker” to find gainful employment.

I have been there. Abuse is wrong. Male or female is stats with control approval (not enough) guilt. All of these are illusions. If society as as a whole would teach being who you are, responsibility for yourself & others, cooperation instead of competition the whole world could benefit.Smaller companies don’t have the resources that larger corporations do. Where are the laws? Where are the police? Why do women have to die in order for their threats to be taken seriously? How do these stalkers mange to track these women down? I know one woman who changed her job, sold her condo, changed her number. She did everything changed her life totally. He stilled tracked her down. The police are powerless to help. A restraining order is a joke. Paper cannot protect you form physical violence. What about witness protection for severe abuse cases?

I applaud Verizon’s commitment to its employees. Relocating victims is expensive however these costs pale compared to the costs incurred due to litigation, insurance liability, loss productivity, possible danger to fellow associates, etc.

I absolutely think employers should be trained to recognize domestic abuse signs. Men & women were not built to handle abuse of any kind on their own. Fears of losing your job, being “found out” and trust issues in the workplace as a result of domestic abuse creates additional stress for abuse victims, as well as for co-workers as results of abuse does play out in our work environments. Like it or not, believe it or not, see it or don’t, it happens – daily. While some folks believe they can handle their abuse quietly, they may not have yet found their individual paths to healing. Or worse, are in constant survival mode making it impossible to find healing paths. Abuse victims may be mis-treating or abusing co-workers and not realize it as a result of their own stress and/or depression. Trained leaders can help in this area. Domestic violence victims should not have to fear “discipline” from employers as a result of their mistakes but should receive assistance through employer recognition. No one is exempt from vulnerability, feeling fear of making mistakes, or fear of losing their jobs as a result of their abusive circumstances. Recognition & acknoweldgement by employers for their struggles can help and often motivate abuse victims to seek help using other resources. There is a limit for employer involvement but recognition by an employer and acknowledgement can help calm abuse victims from the enivitable and aditional stresses as it relates to what takes place in their work environments.

We did a study of 1,200 full time employed adults and found that 21% of them were victims of domestic violence (men and women). That was in 2005. We benchmarked that study in 2007 with Fortune 1500 companies and found that 18% were victims. . almost exactly the same percentage. So the facts are with us. . .and we have many more.

The question is whether or not a company is ready to practically and proactively address the issue. It can be done and is being done by many companies – large and small – across the US. I truly thank Fortune for being the first national business magazine to take on this issue in such a deep and proactive way — tying it into the business case and showing that it is in an employer’s enlightened self-interest to address the issue.

Well, at least in California, domestic violence is treated as a very serious criminal problem. Even misdemeanor violators end up in a 52 week domestic violence prevention program. Violations of restraining orders result in alleged violators always going to jail. District Attorney’s Offices have units of experienced deputies that do only domestic violence. And have had them for close to 20 years in San Diego (where we combine domestic violence and child molest into one unit). We “get it” that domestic violence (and even child molestation) is distributed pretty evenly up and down the class structure of America. Prosecutors have looked into the faces of the beaten and the dead time and time again and told you the public about it. Well as much as we could. The office I work in has regularly been told by the local elected bard of supervisors that we can do more with less, we just have to work harder.

What has taken you so long to figure this out? Did the happy times of the Great Moderation and Easy Money blind you to the concerns of mere mortals? But perhaps I am too harsh. After all your stated position has consistently been that the business of business is business and the workers are damn lucky to have a job. The only real reason to be good to an employee is to buy their loyalty. A loyalty that is disposable by the corporation when they become “too expensive”. I should be glad that in this golden time when workers are rapidly becoming more common and cheaper that the issue interests this magazine at all.

There as so many more women abusers that go unpunished, unreported, and unrepentant, it is disgusting. Women rally against violence – against WOMEN and children only. They don’t care about violence against men in any manner of speaking. This is not only hypocritical, it is pathetic and what I call ’selective idealism’. Women abuse men physically, verbally, psychologically, financially, and emotionally. Where is the BIG reports about this ‘hidden secret’??

We are so proud of the law in the US. We proudly boast that we were founded as a nation of laws. Yet look at the mamby pamby way we treat domestic abuse. I was so struck after 9/11 when the nation was weeping for the victims of the attack.

And then here in Minneapolis I read a letter to the editor from a remarkable woman. She wrote yes, grieve for these victims people. But–why do you overlook the other thousand of victims–women–who are attacked, and killed each and every day in this country. If we started documenting these abuses in big headline stories maybe just maybe something could be done.

After all this is domestic terrorism also, So I donate money to the local chapters fighting this other war in America. And you reading this should do so too.

And I know my comment is too long. But one last thing. As your stories show all these women had restraing orders. So did my sister. They don’t work people. They don’t work judges. They don’t work legislators.

Here is what I say–. If you in the legal system find it prudent to issue the restraing order–go one step further. Put a gps tag on this fellon, as you would any other. And track him. Track him and be aware of this villain as you would a monstous beast, Because that’s what he is –a monstrous beast that deserves no pity.

When is America going to come out of these dark ages of allowing this abuse to go on.

Thank you.

Domestic Violence is a problem that cost the lives of on average six people every single day, so to think that it doesn’t spill into the workplace would only be adding to the already very hush hush world of DV. Certainly employers can help by allowing victims to come forward and make public their issues and concerns in a non-threatening evironment. Education is key for victims to understand the warning signs of a potentially abusive relationship, and hopefully they will be able to get away from it, but unfortunately once the initial introduction has been made it may already be too late. We must provide victims with knowledge and help them to work and live in a safe environment, and that is role of all of us, family, friends, co-workers, whoever has knowledge of the situation must expose it and more importantly expose the abuser. Much like sex offenders we need to publish their names and look upon DV as very serious offense rather than keep it behind closed doors. As President/Executive Director of Trelexa Foundation, we are committed to helping the victims of DV escape their abusive relationships and live a safe and abuse free life, but it is up to all of us to help our friends and relatives in those situations.

You only talk about men as abusers. Women are also capable of this.

I believe the real problem is, is that we have no real way to stop abusers. Restraint orders only work for a fraction of the abusers; those intent on murder and uncaring of their own life willingly violate retraining orders. I think abusers need to be under electronic surveillance with a GPS sysytem so the victim knows the whereabouts of the abuser, prohibited from owning guns, identified in a national database, and ordered to live at least 500 miles from the victim. I believe companies should give the victim as much support as possible but I think that comapnies also need to pressure local, state and federal governments to protect the victim and thwart the abuser.

Yes, it’s something else companies need to consider. In larger companies, it’s not unreasonable to assume that somebody is suffering from abuse with a significant other. Companies can help by simply becoming more aware of the issue and acting and implementing policies that help protect employees. For example, there are some companies that like to expose their company phone numbers to their customers in order to better serve them. It might be best to restrict this to front line departments like sales. Back office employees that might be suffering from an obsessive ex-partner, are now exposed to harrassment at their workplace if their work phone number is published to the general public.

Yes, domestic violence is a problem in the workplace. There was a study published in the Chicago Tribune some months back that gave the dollar value of loss to Corporate America due to domestic violence. Further your article states a 1 in 10 statistic of victims I have heard as much as 1 in 4. Why should Corporate America do something? Not only to stem economic losses, but this places everyone in the workplace in potential harms way. The offenders will use all types of techniques to stalk the victim ie; intimidate a co-worker to give personal information about the victim. Good training is essential for all employees not only to protect the victim, but to educate co-workers on behavior patterns of offenders and victims so there is more of a proactive approach rather then reactive.